Men 3 Times More Likely to Cry than Their Fathers

A study in England found that men today cry in front of others way more than their fathers did just a generation ago.

If you think this is terrible news, it gets worse.

40% of men (and I use that word loosely) have cried in front of other people in the past year

Of course, male crying is acceptable under certain circumstances: birth of a child, death of a loved one, really bad toe stubbing...that biggies.

Man are slowly being turned into chicks. It's been going on my whole life and this crying development is only the latest in a long list of warning signs. How do I know men are being feminized? When I was a kid I saw my dad cry only two or three times. His dad? My grandfather? I never saw that man express any emotion one way or the other. I don't think I ever heard him say more than 4 words at any one given time. Now that's manly!

Some guys are prone to crying. There's no shame there. It's just a biological quirk like a third nipple or vestigial tail. It's weird but they were born that way.

Some guys start blubbering when they've had a few drinks. Better than being an angry drunk, but still...

Here's a quick guide for some of you who didn't grow up learning how to be emotional icebergs. All I ask as a thank-you is that you pay it forward and pass it along to your kids.

Situations Where "Modern" "Men" Might Feel Like Crying

At work--Never, never, under any circumstances, ever cry at work. It's unmanly and unprofessional. Tamp that down no matter how flustered you may feel. Once you are seen crying at work, men, you'll probably start making only 77 cents on the dollar like a you-know-who.

Death of a pet--do your crying over this where your shame can't be seen. Women can be so distraught over a non-human death that they have to miss work. Men, this is a luxury you don't have.

Your Team Loses or Wins the Big Game--No crying. You can rub it in your friends faces, especially if they're stinking Eagles fans. But crying over a bunch of millionaires who chase a ball around is no better than crying at your own wedding. You should care but not that much.

At a Movie--It happens. Our emotions can be fickle backstabbers and, eventually you're going to find yourself welling up at some ridiculous, maudlin movie. This is beyond your control and therefore acceptable...as long as NO ONE SEES. You've got until those lights come up or you exit the darkness of the theatre. And, for the love of God, no blubbering in the car on the way home.

Hit Your Hand With a Hammer---God, that hurts. You may cry a tear or two and they must be tears of rage and not tears of pain. There's a difference. Rage tears have 98% acid content and are therefore not unmanly.