So I'm not going to lie: I LOVE going through the personals on Craigslist just to see what crazy people are trying to get hooked up in El Paso. What I've learned: gay men are trying to get down all the time, Walmart is apparently THE place to be to meet people, and bigger girls like to devour short guys tiny little man legs. Here is a few of my favorite gems from this week.

  • atypical friday-w4m

    28 sep 2012 you were getting something healthy for someone. who was that? what color and type was your vehicle? what time of day was it? we both exchanged names. same side of town. which side? what did you leave behind? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, if you didn't know this is a ridiculously vague add girl! If I was this guy, I would have NO IDEA where I met you or what happened. Add some details in there, at this point it sounds like an interrogation.

  • I miss you like crazy... - w4m (el paso)

    Even though we broke up. I still miss you and have you on my mind all the time. I just wish some things were different. I miss you're love so much and miss all the fun we had. I can't get you out of my mind and really want to talk to you again and see. If you are reading this tell me what you did on july 4. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok girl let me break it down for you: you sound like EVERY SINGLE girl whoever missed their ex boyfriend. Your sad, your lonely, and you can't get him out of your head. But rather than advertising it on Craigslist and making it public knowledge you should go to him alone, one on one, and see what he wants from you. If he wants to be with you then he will, if not, then you now know. And can move on. Trust me, you have a vagina most guys would want to stick it in you just because of that.

  • I miss my soldier - 99 (fort bliss)

    You opened it. Tonight at midnight, your true love will realize they truly miss you. Something good will happen to you between 1:00 pm to 4:40 pm, it could be anywhere. Tonight at midnight they will remember how much they love you. You will get a shock of a lifetime tomorrow, a good one. if you break the chain, you will be cursed with relationship problems for the next 2 years, Karma. If there is someone you loved or still do, and can't get them out of your mind, repost this in another city in the next 5 minutes. It's amazing how it works. If you truly miss someone, a past love, and can't seem to get them out of your mind, then repost this as "I still Love you" Whoever you miss will surprise you. Don't break this, for tonight at midnight, your true love will realize they truly miss you and something great will happen to you tomorrow. Karma. You will get the shock of your life tomorrow. I do believe in Karma and love. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OK, this is stupid in the first place. Your love life is cursed by the decisions you make and the people you chose to let into your heart, not by a chain letter that pops up on Craigslist. Not to mention I don't think this is how chain letters are supposed to happen. I can't forward this stupid thing on Craigslist? and I'm not pathetic enough to post it on any other social media site. Mostly because I don't want people to know that I troll through Craigslist missed connections on my days off.

  • Traveling businessman with apartment behind Sams Club - m4m - 48 (WS)

    You had an apartment behind Sams Club on west side. You are a Dom. I came over to suck **** for my first time. You are huge with the biggest **** I've ever seen, I could barely get my mouth around it. I want to suck it again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Umm......shouldn't you already have his number? Or did you just go door to door behind Sam's Club looking for dudes **** to suck?

  • Good looking shorty - w4m - 27 (Central)

    I saw you today at a nice little mexican restaurant, you were dressed in dark pants, slicked back dark hair and I kept looking at you. I was a bigger girl... I wanted to just eat you... I could teach you a little something... I'll pick you up, spin you around baby... mmmm mmm mmm. I saw you walk out, you held the door open for me and I couldn't keep my eyes off that short little body of yours, damn... honey I was 3 steps from devouring your tiny little man legs... and damn.. you smiled at me and you made my day... but you looked so nervous hoping back into that car like you stole something... I was like going to be like the boogy woman and just ran at you and pick you up and just eat you cute little a...... well you know what! If you know me.. then let me know what color my blouse was... (Ketchup and Mustard) just remember that shorty... and mmm mmm mm I'll make your day! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OK, please give me a moment while I catch my breath from laughing my ass off. Telling a man you couldn't keep your eyes off of "that short little body" of his isn't the best way to get a man interested in you. Also, being 3 steps from eating his tiny little man legs makes sense since you are a self proclaimed "bigger girl." But much luck girlfriend! There are those men out there who are chubby chasers and you sound like you could give them the time of their lives!