Life Hacks for Degenerates

You know what “life hacks” are, right?  Also known as “McGyverisms”, life hacks are little hints and tips to make life easier. And, sure, cell phones in zip lock bags and lawn sprinklers made out of soda bottles are fine for “the squares”. But, what if you’re more of a person who lives by their own rules? An outlaw. A “bad boy”?

Fortunately, there are life hacks for the “morally bereft” among us. Such as:

• If you glue a dead wasp to your hand, you can walk up behind whomever you please, slap them hard across the back of the head and then pretend like you “saved” them.
• Walk into a Pizza Hut, pick out a name on the board and say you’re that person. You never have to wait for an order and…BONUS!...if they already paid on-line you get their order for free!
• If you own a bar or restaurant, go on Tinder and make up a fake, very hot profile. Tell your “matches” to meet at your establishment. Tell the date you’re running late and ask them to go ahead an order something “for both of us”.
• If you don’t want to be hassled by the person selling cable packages inside Sam’s/Walmart/Costco, just look at what there are selling and tell them that’s what you already have. (actually, I’m not even sure this one counts as “unethical”)
• If you ever decide to break out of prison, do it on Halloween. That way, your prison clothes won’t attract as much attention.
• Write a blog post about “Unethical Life Hacks”, claim it as your own idea and fail to mention that you got the idea from a Reddit group called UnethicalLifeProTips.