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‘Kung-Fu: High Impact’ is About as Fun as an Actual Kung-Fu Beating [REVIEW]

Kung-Fu: High Impact
Ignition Entertainment Ltd.

Think back to that classic ‘Jeopardy’ skit on ‘Saturday Night Live’ in which a Keanu Reeves impersonator says “I know kung-fu,” causing Alex Trebek to respond, “No, you don’t.”

That’s ‘Kung-Fu High Impact’ for you.

In what seems to be more of a webcam distraction than a  full-figured release worthy of its own box and disc, the game plops you into the middle of the screen, where you do battle with marauding attackers.

The game is a great buy. Not necessarily for you, but for your wife or girlfriend, who gets hours of entertainment at your expense watching the game’s fuzzy, disappearing Marty McFly-like version of your visage making sissy punches at pretend bad guys onscreen.

If you’ve ever harbored fantasies of starring in your own martial arts movies, this will forever banish them from your brain. One look at how slow, stupid, hapless and unimposing you look on screen —  as enemies line up to die from your limp wrist flicks that are called punches — and you’ll reaffirm that your place in life is on the couch and not in the TV.

The game is fun in short bursts, but gets numbingly repetitive after a while. There’s little challenge or variation to the experience, except for when the game tries to cheat — say, not registering a punch — just to keep things competitive.

You get a decent workout from all the limb-waving but your dog might get a accidental beating.

To summarize:
1. You are not a kung-fu star.
2. If ever stuck in a forest, facing off against a team of assassins, the only one you’ll hurt will be your dog.
3. Don’t play this game unless you have no other way to make your girlfriend laugh.

RATING: 5/10

Kung Fu High Impact  ($40), was developed by Virtual Air Guitar Company, published by Ignition Games and is available on the Xbox 360 Kinect. Rated T. The publisher provided a copy of the game for review.

Read Phil Villarreal’s blog at becauseitoldyouso.com and follow him on Twitter: @philvillarreal

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