I wouldn't pay the $1 that the jury said I owed. But, hold on! Let me explain!

The verdict came back in drips and drabs: Taylor Swift was found NOT to have been responsible for a Denver DJ losing his job after she accused him of grabbing her posterior during a backstage "meet and greet". Furthermore, the jury decided they believed Taylor's version of the events and they found that the DJ, David Mueller, would have to pay her the damages she was asking for: One Dollar U.S.

Yes, T.S. was asking for a symbolic dollar in damages for her ordeal. The one dollar amount must have a lot of symbolic importance. It was the same amount of the wager that the Duke brothers, Mortimer and Randolph, made in 1983 over whether they could make Louis Winthorpe III turn to a life of crime. Hey, maybe symbolism is inflation-proof.

For his part, Mueller is still denying that he grabbed anyone's fanny. Here's video of him making that exact denial this morning on Good Morning America:

I don't know this guy. I don't have any sense of allegiance to him as a "fellow deejay". I've been to plenty of "meet and greets" (also known as "grip and grins"...but not THAT kind of "grip") so I know how they usually operate.

I find it exceedingly hard to believe that one of the biggest celebrities in the world would just make up a false allegation against some rando. And, I know that the world is full of creeps who, for whatever reasons, feel like they can place their hands on a woman without her consent. So, without any hard evidence, I guess I'd say I find Taylor's side more believable than the Denver DJ's.

HOWEVER...if, by some weird cosmic fluke, this guy ISN'T lying (and, again, it would have to be the flukiest of flukes) you'd have to feel bad for him. Imagine some Kafka-esque scenario where you wake up one day and find yourself accused of doing something extremely rape-y by one of the most famous people in the world. And everybody believed you did it!

That's what I mean by "if" I were this guy...AND I ACTUALLY DIDN'T DO IT...I would never pay the symbolic one dollar. I'm sure the guy's lawyers all telling him just to pay the $1 and try to move on with his life. But, after being so publicly branded a skeevy ass-grabber what else to you really have besides your claims that you're innocent? If I were in his shoes (and innocent) I wouldn't pay that dollar even if they threatened to throw me in jail.

Once again, I believe the jury probably got it right. The picture.

Sure looks like his hand is in her general butt vicinity. But I want to put out a possible theory. There are three people in this photo. The woman on Tay-Tay's left is identified as Mueller's co-worker and, at the time, a fellow employee of the radio station. You can't see where her hand is anymore than you can see where his hand is. The two have since broken up (what a surprise) but what if...just, what if...she was holding a grudge over something? Maybe she found out he'd been cheating on her. Wouldn't that be a twist if it turns out the girlfriend grabbed T-Swift's ass because she knew it would F this guy's world up? That's a serious M. Knight Shyamalan -level plot twist right there!

Yeah, but he probably did it.