Disney's Hercules came out in 1997, that would have made me eight years old. You would figure that Hercules would be a movie I would have seen at the time, I'm the target demographic for it! But, alas, I've never seen Hercules. When I told my coworkers Lisa and Emily they were SHOOKETH! Emily (who is no longer "Intern Emily" she's now "Digital Managing Editor Emily") actually has a tattoo on her arm of the girl from the movie, "Megara" so obviously she is a fan of the movie. In an effort to get me excited to watch the movie, Lisa proceeded to sing songs from the movie then it turned into Lisa giving me one liners and laughing to herself. So, after all these years, I finally watched Hercules, here's how it went:

  • Movie starts- These must be the muses Lisa was telling me about.
  • "We're the Muses." I knew it, fun fact: I owned all the plates of Hercules that McDonald's sold in '97.
  • Oh, okay, Zeus is thicc. He can get it.
  • Baby Hercules looks like those creepy cherubs in old timey paintings.
  • Aww! Baby Pegasus is adorable! I want!
  • Hades has a voice I recognize. Quick IMDb search, he's voiced by James Woods. Ha. Yeah, I totally picture James Woods like that.
  • His minions names are "Pain" and "Panic"??
  • "The Fates" is what Lisa kept laughing at! There's that indoor plumbing joke! Because they can see the future.
  • That part where Hades flames up and then goes "I'm cool, I'm cool" is a meme!
  • Whoa, this got dark real quick. They got to kill a baby now?!
  • So... is he mortal now? He didn't die?
  • Young Hercules is like my nephews, they don't know their own strength and they just end up destroying everything!
  • Why does this cliff that Hercules goes to look like "Pride Rock" From The Lion King? Does Disney just recycle all their old drawings and use them in different movies?
  • Aw, Pegasus is still cute.
  • Was this satyr peeping on the nymphs??
  • Oh, my God, Danny DeVito I love your work!
  • This whole time did he ONLY train to save a damsel in distress?
  • This is the chick Emily has tattooed on her arm! She seems like she's got moxie, like Emily.
  • Okay, how did this chick get her hair dry and bouncy like that real quick?! Disney gave me false expectations about my hair...
  • Okay, Hades just found out that Hercules is still alive.
  • Meg sold her soul to Hades over a guy?!
  • Hercules is pretty bad at being a hero.
  • "Somebody call IXII" oh my god, roman numeral humor! That was hilarious!
  • This was all a trap! I knew it! Hercules still won.
  • Of course he's in love with Meg. But does she love him?
  • Meg reminds me of Emily.
  • Ha! Scar! Easter Egg!
  • I really like Hades, like, I know he's the bad guy but I feel like we'd be best friends.
  • Don't make the deal with Hades, Herc. It's not gonna end well.
  • He made the deal. Idiot.
  • Oh. My. God. Meg died! How they gonna kill the main lady!

At this point in the movie, I fell asleep. And had to continue the movie the next day. But during our work meeting I kept asking Lisa and Emily what happens next and their only response was "Finish the f***king movie." So, thank you ladies.I resumed the movie at home that day.

  • Recap- Meg is dead but Hercules got his power back because apparently "Hades broke the deal" so he goes to the Underworld to make yet ANOTHER deal with Hades to get Meg back so he throws himself into a river a death.
  • As soon as Herc throws himself into the river, Hades is like "You'll be dead before you find her" but as soon as he finds her he gets his powers back??
  • Yay, Hercules can now live on Olympus.
  • But Meg is like "Well, I guess I'll be leaving now."
  • Aw, Hercules wants to live on Earth with Meg.
  • Wait. So, is he mortal now? Is he God or not? I don't get it

All in all, the movie was like a 6 out of 10. It was cute and funny but there's a reason I didn't really see it until now.