Five Diseases Buzz Could Have Infected That Poor Monkey With This Morning
This morning with Buzz Adams and the KLAQ Morning Show, Dennis from The Ark came by with some cute little monkeys! In the course of events, Buzz managed to annoy one of the adorable little beasties, and it but him and took several swipes at him. In case you haven't seen the video, check it out here.
I feared for the poor monkey when I saw her bite Buzz, and wondered what kind of horrible diseases he could have infected her with. This is what I came up with.
Chronic Buzz-ettes Syndrome (CBS)
A neuropsychiatric disorder, characterized by multiple verbal assaults, that often make little sense to those being assailed, usually about the most trivial of disturbances. Minor irritations become insurmountable obstacles to those with CBS, and the patient feels an intense need to spread the suffering to as many of those around as possible.
Acute Adams-entiasis (AA)
Similar to Elephantiasis, a characteristic thickening of the skin and underlying fat around the abdominal region, resulting is a hard and disturbing growth. AA Sufferers often feel compelled to expose the enlarged area to innocent bystanders.
Tiger Blooditis (TB)
A demented obsession with bowling shirts and odd forms of dress. Often characterized by radical, sweeping changes in wardrobe from day to day. Sadly, the TB sufferer cannot align his shifting wardrobe to align with commonly accepted, so called “fun days”, like “Dress Like a Pirate Day”, and will wear costumes on a random Wednesday, instead.
An irrational fear of the internet, and the idea of information flowing out to the world through it. Typified by persistent whining and resistance to the idea of posting content, updating information or interacting with others on the computer. Does not typically include dating website, however.
A strong positive reaction to the not-so-subtle charm of the Corporate Computer Babe. Just a few moments of exposure can reduce the occurrences of Chronic Buzz-ettes attacks, and Interphobia for several days. Repeated doses of Smethanie can begin to affect Tiger Blooditis, resulting in positive self-image, and less strain on the local costuming industry. Acute Adams-entiasis is entirely unaffected, however.