Ridiculous Things KLAQ Staffers Might Get Arrested For
Duke Keith has been a very naughty boy. Well... not exactly as naughty as you would think, but nonetheless, when someone in the public eye gets in trouble, you can bet people get to gossiping. Which got me to thinking, what would the rest of us get arrested for?
We give our fair share of cheers and jeers to other people in El Paso getting arrested, so it’s only a matter of time before one of us got popped. Thanks for taking one for the team, Duke! I’m pretty sure the rest of us aren’t far behind, especially by the predictions below.
Buzz Adams: Host of Buzz Adams and the KLAQ Morning Show
Most likely to get arrested for: Public Intoxication
Buzz and I will be arguing the importance of the internet and social media. He will so ferociously fight back on having to blog that it will throw him into a delusional spiral of craziness. After stumbling into the street, he will be noticed and arrested by a police officer. After trying to explain the internet is only a fad, the officer will laugh and say, “You’re clearly drunk, Sir. Time to take you in.” Charge: Public Intoxication
Mando ‘The Monster’ Medina: KLAQ Morning Show
Most likely to get arrested for: Insurance Fraud
Years of suffering with TLS, tiny leg syndrome, has given Mando a complex about the size of his tiny legs in comparison to his overly large upper body. While trying to work out his legs at the gym, Mando will likely throw his back out and file an insurance claim. Being too embarrassed about his TLS, he will falsely claim he was involved in a hit-and-run fender bender, causing his back injury. Fred Loya will totally bust him on this lie. Charged: Insurance Fraud.
Lisa Sanchez: KLAQ Morning Show
Most likely to get arrest for: Simple Assault
Lisa has a collection of the most hideous pants ever manufactured. They’re usually stretchy, multi-colored, and some sort of odd texture that would make even a hedgehog cringe. It’s inevitable, one day she will wear pants so ugly, it will blind anyone standing near her. Charged: Simple Assault.
Fernie: Regular guest of the KLAQ Morning Show
Most likely to get arrested for: Lewd Conduct
Fernie will get caught having sex in public. It’s that simple. When told by a police officer, “If you can tell me how many times 7 goes into 21, I’ll let you go,” Fernie walks himself to the police car. Charged: Lewd Conduct
Glenn Garza: KLAQ DJ
Most likely to get arrested for: Drug Trafficking
Glenn is in charge of band management. During Balloonfest, a rockstar will agree to take a ride in a balloon, despite Chuck DeBroder’s warnings of a southerly wind. The balloon and said rockstar will drift into Mexico where Glenn must go retrieve them. Drug traffickers will hide marijuana in Glenn’s trunk as he drives into Mexico to rescue the band. He will be arrested and detained for years because WE DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH CARTELS. Eventually Liam Neeson will come to his rescue. Charged: Drug Trafficking
Scott Ronson: KLAQ DJ
Most likely to get arrested for: Arson
An avid smoker and occasional do-gooder, Scott Ronson will be taking his hourly walk around the building to smoke a cigarette. While walking, he will spot a $20 bill blowing in the wind. During his excitement, his cigarette will drop from his mouth and a single ember will land perfectly on a nearby bush. That bush will catch an adjacent house on fire. Scott will be so excited about his newfound money, he will forget to leave the scene of the fire before police arrive. Smokey the Bear will discontinue his fan mail to Ronson. Charged: Arson.
Johnnie Walker: KLAQ DJ
Most likely to get arrested for: Identity Theft
Oh, you think you can just be named Johnnie Walker and not have to pay any royalties to the makers of the finest whisky $20 can buy? NO! If that were the case, just call me Crown Royal. Charged: Identity Theft
Lauren Zimmerman: Computer Wizard
Most likely to get arrested for: Capital Murder
What? I have vices, too. And the next em-effer who doesn’t understand that the left lane is for PASSING vehicles is in big trouble! Charged: Capital Murder
So what’s the silliest thing you’ve ever been in trouble for? Leave some of your responses below and we might read it on the Morning Show on Monday.