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The Double G Spot

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know

Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate,

and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious

couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla

Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb

Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids

were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She

was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a

son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named

Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,

were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married

the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

‘Cuz now YOU know sh**!! 

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

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