This is an actual message I received on Facebook. I haven't changed a single character in the message. Jesus.

[Name Redacted]

Hi Buzz! I have a question and figured if anyone could help it would be you. I'm throwing. My son a surprise party for his 14 th birthday tomorrow and was looking to hire either an old lady or a "little person" stripper (dancer) yo show up and embarrass his ass, but I have had no luck finding


I'm not sure how I feel being known as the go-to guy for finding midget and elderly strippers for children.  Nonetheless, I will do my best to be helpful.

Try this number: (915) 546-2050.  Now, they may try and fool you by answering the phone as "Child Protective Services".  Don't freak out, though! They actually are the Midget and Old Lady Stripper Service.  They're a bunch of kidders down there!!

So, go ahead and explain to them what you have in mind.  Even if they keep it up with the whole "You've called C.P.S." routine, you have to be persistent.  Kidders, I'm telling ya!!

Good luck with the party! And, good luck to your son with what I can only assume will be many years of  emotional  therapy!!