Betty Ford Dead at 93 – Some of the Betty Ford Clinic’s Famous Hot Mess Clients
In case you didn't know, today is the funeral in Palm Desert, CA for former First Lady Betty Ford. Now being a desert rat from Palm Desert, I decided it was my duty to write a post in remembrance of the only woman you would see at the salon with 2 secret servicemen. A staple of the valley just like her husband, the late Gerald R. Ford, Betty was a woman with class and a smart ass mouth who was never afraid of saying exactly how she felt. Betty admitted she would probably try smoking pot if she was younger, was for abortion rights, thought couples should live together before marrying, a breast cancer survivor, and a self proclaimed alcohol and drug addict. Betty Ford was just an all around bad ass bitch.
The Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, Ca is a world famous treatment facility that helps celebrities and normal crackheads alike. Trust me, turn on A&E's Intervention and you will see the Betty Ford clinic in almost every other episode. In all honesty Betty built one of the most successful and highly regarded treatment facility and program on the planet. The clinic has helped over 90,000 people and their families and Betty Ford herself has pioneered the effort to make the topic of drug and alcohol addiction not taboo.
In honor of Betty Ford and her legacy, tonight pour one out for the home girl and take a look at our short list of some of the famous hot messes the Betty Ford Clinic has helped or tried to help:
Robert Downey Jr
Clean, sober, and one of Hollywood's hottest leading men, Robert Downey Jr. has been to enough rehabs that he must have one of their gold member cards for discounts.
Once when Robert was under the influence of drugs he wandered into a neighbor's house and passed out on a child's bed. If I were this child, I'd inclined to ask if he was Santa, the tooth fairy, or the Easter Bunny. I'd settle on Santa because of all the "snow" he had on him.
The six degrees of being a crazy bitch with Lindsay Lohan. From chasing people in luxury vehicles, snorting coke in Hollywood hot spot bathrooms, liking penis then vagina, passing out wherever whenever, and flashing us the goods due to her lack panties. I sometimes feel like I've seen her vagina more than her gynecologist has.
My favorite crazy Lindsay story has to be the hopping the wall of the Betty Ford clinic because she wanted a coke. I don't think she realized there wasn't any real cocaine in there for her, although I would like to see her try and snort some soda.
This is what your brain and body is like from over 40 years of drug and alcohol abuse. Almost makes you wanna quit huh? Almost but not quite. Ozzy has done almost everything drug under the sun and is still living to tell the tales. Biting the heads off bats and doves, pissing on the Alamo, and snorting a line of ants are just some of the extreme shit Ozzy has done while under the influence of something.
How did someone so insane end up in the Betty Ford clinic? Well, he thought it was going to have a bar! He told Blender Magazine:
"I phoned them and said, 'I'm coming in.' The woman asked me, 'What drugs are you doing right now?' I told her, 'Booze and coke.' "She said, 'I want you to keep doing them until you get here.' So I go, 'Fucking hell, this is going to be a great place!"
How sadly mistaken he was.
Right before Steven Tyler decided to go ahead and do the sell out thing and judge on American Idol, he did a small stint in Betty Ford. The best part about his stay? The amazing one man band called Steven Tyler and his karaoke tour!
Tyler was at The Titled Kilt (think Hooter's but with school girl outfits) and decided to take over for 2 guys who massacred his hit, "I don't wanna miss a thing" and proceeded to lead the entire bar in a sing-along with him. The next stop? Why Home Depot of course! Tyler sang over the loud speaker "Dude looks like a lady" and "I don't wanna miss a thing" then logically took hits off the helium tank because that's what your supposed to do on your day off from rehab. I wish you could find that kind of entertainment while shopping for paint and lumber in El Paso.
David entered into the Betty Ford Center in 2002 for alcohol addiction. Perhaps he should have added cheeseburger addiction as well. The video of him drunkenly eating a cheeseburger off the ground was recorded by his daughters and put on YouTube for our viewing pleasure. Instead of making me pity him, I merely felt better about myself and that one time my roommate and I tried to eat a fruit salad off the kitchen floor. It happens to everyone.