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Another Zombie Attack? People Will Get High on ANYTHING! Read The Freakin’ Label, Man!

Michael Terron Daniel
McLennan County Sheriff's Office

On Monday, a man in Waco got wasted on K-2 and started barking like a dog and terrorizing neighbors. Then he attacked, strangled and killed the family dog in a “zombie-like” attack. What the hell are people doping themselves with that makes them do this stupid crap? He’s in jail on cruelty to animals charges, the evil bastidge.

Whatever happened to the nice drugs that made people see get the munchies, love everyone a little too much and burn bras? What the hell could possibly possess people to get high on bath salts or this K-2 crap? What part of synthetic sounds like a good idea when attached to a drug? What’s wrong with good old home grown or street-corner-purchased normal pot? (Other than the legal problems, of course.)

Do Your Homework

Shouldn’t you consider the effects of what you’re going to do? I don’t mean be afraid of getting busted or anything, but wouldn’t “may make you attack and eat people or pets” be one of those side-effects that puts you off a drug?

Nowadays, you can’t use a lack of information as an excuse, either. How long does it take to Google “side effects of K-2“? (Took me about 3.5 seconds.) Google that stuff, man!

Some Funny (and Not-So-Funny) Drug Side-Effects I’ve Seen Listed

  • Alli – “gas with oily spotting” – basically means you’re going to need clean undies, and thick skin when your friends bust on you.
  • Requip – “an unusual urge to gamble or increased sexual urges and/or behaviors” – apparently, this drug makes you into James Bond. Where do I sign?
  • Propecia – “gynecomastia” – basically gives you moobs, whether you want them or not.
  • Mirapex – “amnesia” – so I guess you’ll forget about the side-effects and keep taking it?
  • Mirapex – “excessive shopping/overeating/hypersexuality” – this must have been made by a consortium of shopping mall companies. Add in the amnesia bit, and you could buy the same shoes every day for the rest of your life!
  • Chantix – “suicide” – holy crap! I don’t want to quit EVERYTHING, just smoking!
  • Bath Salts/K-2 – “makes you a freakin’ zombie” – should companies start adding this one?
  • I’ve even seen “death” listed as a side-effect. Seriously. An people will STILL take it!

Leave Pets Out Of It

Leave the pets out of the whole zombie thing. If you were an actual zombie, at least they would know you were someone to stay away from. The family pet doesn’t understand that you’re an idiot, they just know you were petting them earlier, and now you’re eating their face.

I know people think it’s funny to get the dog drunk or stoned, but come on, don’t get crazy with this stuff. They don’t have a choice, you do.

Don’t Endanger ANYONE Else

If you’re going to get wasted, do it at home where you can wig out safely without harming anyone or anything. Don’t go driving around and causing accidents, attacking animals or people, or anything else. Just mellow out, look at the pretty colors and eat 400 bags of chips.

Zombie Plan
Johnnie Walker

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