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ADVICE! Dear Abby Has Passed Away, Say Hello To Dear Fern!

Pauline “Dear Abby” Friedman has passed away at the age of 94. So I will be taking her place with my column “Dear Fern”. I will give advice on everything from relationships, sex, health and family. Please feel free to give your own advice!

I’ve gotten a great start so far so if you need advice please feel free to email me at or tweet me @klaqfernie

Marina writes in to “Dear Fern” lets take a look at what kind of advice she would like today


Dear Fern,

I am going to an interview at a law firm and I’m freaking out, any ideas on how to ease my nerves?

Thanks, Hector

Dear Hector,

I suggest hearing your favorite song loud right before your interview and chew some gum because it is fun, fun, fun! Good Luck on your interview. (p.s. if you want to hear the chewing gum song click here)


Dear Fern,

My name is Steve I just moved in with my gf of 7 months recently found out she’s had a secret relationship with her ex for 5 months,they’ve been messaging back and forth talking about getting together and even kids together Idk what to do I mean I thought we were perfect what should I do ? Plus I work with her too

Thanks, Steve

Dear Steve,

I’m sorry about your situation. Don’t be such a donkey! Save up some money and leave her! She has lied to you since your relationship has started. If the Red Parrot had gift cards I would give you one. You work with her so you have to be nice to her at work because we all know when you walk into work you leave your problems at the door.


Dear Fern,

What is an average cock size ??

Thanks, Frank

Dear Frank,

Average is about 4.5. Remember it’s not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean. Plus it’s more about width then length. African Countries have the longest average length. Don’t worry if you come up short because we all think we’re bigger than we actually are.


Dear Fern,

Should I be responsible for my children’s college tuition. They both have jobs and live at home rent free.

Thanks, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

NO! There is no need for you to pay for their college tuition (ain’t nobody got time for that) They live rent free and they have jobs. It’s important to cut them off now while they are at home. It will insure they become self-sufficient.



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